Week Three of Dancing with the Stars proved that every audience loves a strong comeback, tugs on the heartstrings, and second chances. Jennie Garth transformed from a babbling brook to the toughest, hardest, and boldest women in heels. She was ready to take no prisoners when she hit the floor. Don't cry for me Argentina never saw the light of day. Jane Seymour honored the passion, love, and memory of her mother. Tears were running over before, during, and after her emblazoned performance. And then there was Wayne and his moustache and feather in his hat. Almost a cast off from last week, he pulled put his best foot forward to earn his second chance. Believe it or not, even without my darling Albert. The fever was blazing all over the dance floor this week. This is how it played out:

"Listen to the ground. There is movement all around. There is something going down. And I can feel it. On the waves of the air. There is dancing out there. If it's something we can share. We can steal it."

Mel B (Spice Girl) coupled with Maksim Chmerkovskly - It is a sad day when the glare from your dance partner's chest outshines your dance moves. Mel is turning out to be a great dancer. Bruno applauded Mel for being in such control of her body, he believed that "not letting it all hang out" would be her greatest challenge. Yikes. First she wasn't lady enough now he thinks she can't keep it in her pants. Either way, it was the bouncing bombshell's best dance yet. (SCORE = 27)

Sabrina Bryan (Cheetah Girl) coupled with Mark Ballas - Sabrina is hungry for the top slot. She tasted the prize and wants more, more, more! This hunger made her demand that Mark teach her more challenging dance routines and turned her into a female Boss Hogg. Jeeze! Who is teaching whom here? Mark is an outstanding dancer. And Sabrina can certainly hold her own while dancing with him. But she needs to let the teacher teach. Len considered this dance to be Sabrina's best performance. (SCORE=27)

Marie Osmond (singer) coupled with Jonathan Roberts - Marie and her dramatic flair were the perfect match for the theatrical tango. Donny surprised his little sister during rehearsal and seeing the two of them together made me immediately want to play with my Donny and Marie dolls. Or, at the very least, belt out "I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock n' roll!" Instead, the Johnny and Marie show stormed the dance floor. The judges are enamored by Marie's stage presence. Bruno called her the Meryl Streep of dance! You can't get a better compliment than that. She has some serious staying power. (SCORE = 26)

Jane Seymour (actress) coupled with Tony Dovolani - Jane's tribute to her mother was a touching moment during the show. Her mother knew that dancing was the love of her daughter's life. Jane dedicated the performance to her. Clearly, this was destined to be a tearjerker. But who knew that Carrie Ann would start blubbering during her critique? She was like Paula Abdul without the drug slurs. Jane looked stunning, moved perfectly, and did her mother proud. (SCORE = 27)

BOYS

Cameron Mathison (All My Children) coupled with Edyta Silwinska - No space was off limits for Cameron and Edyta when preparing for their next dance. They were on the set of All My Children and practiced the tango in between scenes and during bathroom breaks. Edyta suggested that Cameron bring his personality to the dance floor. As long as it is not that weird goofy personality, I think he will be okay. Somehow these two attractive people turned a smoky, sexy dance into a G-rated Disney On Ice performance. A little more sex appeal and a little less goof appeal is requested. (SCORE = 23)

Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (boxer) coupled with Karina Smirnoff - Floyd has a secret love for the jive. And quite a talent with the jump rope! Wow. Did anyone see him swinging that rope around at the beginning of the dance? Spectacular. Floyd moves like a maniac on the dance floor. He nailed the jive with the perfect energy and spirit. Len suggested a change in footwear to help with his boxer stance. Floyd's outstanding potential is frustrating the judges. They want more from him. For some reason, Floyd is beginning to grow on me. (SCORE = 21)

Helio Castroneves (race car driver) coupled with Julianne Hough - Will these two hook up before the end of the show? Will they end up a couple when all is said and done? She might be too young for him. Moving on. Helio is quite a doll. He has such a great attitude. Is this man ever in a bad mood? Even as he sat on the bench with a wounded foot, Helio was still smiling. His moves were pretty fluid and he somehow makes dancing look damn easy. The judges were not as wowed with this performance. His technique was not as clean as it has been in the past, but his charm was in full swing. Helio = always sparkling! (SCORE = 24)

Mark Cuban (billionaire entrepreneur) coupled with Kym Johnson - Mark and the Jive. Watching Mark jumping and jiving around the dance floor while trying to avoid another hip dislocation is not all that appealing. Between listening to his complaints about hip soreness and watching him stick out his tongue—I have had enough of his billionaire antics. He has improved his dancing a bit, with less bouncing and less scary facial movements, but he is still a pretty awkward on the floor. Send him home. (SCORE = 20)

Wayne Newton (singer) coupled with Cheryl Burke - Wayne felt vulnerable after having been in the final two last week. I am still in disbelief that we lost Albert to Wayne, but I will solider on. Wayne brought his inner cowboy, weird moustache, and greasy ponytail to the dance floor. If there were a Halloween contest on the show, Wayne would have surely won the prize. But considering it was a dance competition, the performance was more awkward than anything else. Wayne seemed to be giving it his all. He didn't stomp around like an ape this week. He has made some minor improvements. And hell, he did lose 30 pounds. Clearly, the guy is working hard. (SCORE = 18)

CAST OFF THE DANCE FLOOR...

As much as I have ripped this man to shreds, especially after losing Albert, I felt badly for Wayne Newton during the results show. It is a tale as old as time...my heart will forever root for the underdog. My mother made me this way. My heart broke while watching the final two: Wayne and Floyd standing under the hot red lights weak, humbled and vulnerable to elimination. Floyd looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. Wayne looked like a deer in headlights. Both looked terrified. Floyd deserved another shot. He is a better dancer. Wayne received a standing ovation. He had his time on Dancing with the Stars and his legend will live on...

Song by - Bee Gees - Night Fever

I live in Los Angeles. My sister lives in New Hampshire. She watched the Dancing with the Stars Results show three hours before I did. My phone rang two minutes after the show aired on the east coast. She was busting at the seams wanting to share the "shocking news" of who had been cast off the show. Time slowed as I screamed into the phone, "Don't tell me it is Albert!" She said nothing. She said nothing. From what I gathered I am guessing it is Cameron. That would be shocking, wouldn't it? But I know it cannot be Albert. Albert is the sparkling bright shining adorable light that takes the shadow from my days. It cannot be Albert. It will not be Albert. I can feel it in my body. My womanly instincts are never wrong.

Week Two of Dancing with the Stars was everything a true ballroom blitz should be. The dance floor was electrifying, surprising, and riddled with tragedy. Marie Osmond transformed into a smoking, sexy, and captivating dancer. Wayne stomped around the floor like an orangutan in the wild. Jennie slipped, fell, and sobbed like a baby. And Jane Seymour fled the scene due to a sudden death in the family. Needless to say, there was much happening on and off the dance floor. This is how it played out:

Jennie Garth (former 90210 actress) coupled with Derek Hough - Drama strikes: first with Jennie knocking Derek's sex appeal and strength as a strapping man and second when she crashed to the dance floor. Part of the fun (for me at least) of watching these dance performances comes from the chemistry between partners. Jennie, if it's not there, fake it! If not for the audience, fake it for your sweet partner. Her fall was probably a karmic retribution for making fun of Derek. Judges all felt that the ballroom dance is the perfect dance for Jennie. It seems her self-consciousness gets in her way. She even disputed her the worthiness of her score! (SCORE = 21)

Sabrina Bryan (Cheetah Girl) coupled with Mark Ballas - Sabrina is filled with vibrancy and electricity. It's hard to match her energy level. The girl moves with lightening speed while maintaining precision and control throughout the dance. Still it has to be said: that bright, bold, feathery pink colored dressed should never again see the light of day. Terrible. (SCORE=26)

Marie Osmond (singer) coupled with Jonathan Roberts - Marie Osmond and her Latin mambo self was pretty damn impressive, especially with her death drop. As annoying as her personality can be during the rehearsals, when this woman takes the stage, she owns the stage. She knows how to work a crowd. Bruno called her "a real hot Latino mama in a steaming night in Puerto Rico." I wanted her voted off last week and this week I am wholeheartedly rooting for this woman. After all, I did have a Marie Osmond Barbie doll back in the 70's. (SCORE = 24)

Jane Seymour (actress) coupled with Tony Dovolani - Jane danced the mambo like she was at a tea party in Wimbledon. Len suggested she "get the fangs out and take a bite out of it!" Perhaps she can take a few "truck driver" Trish lessons from Mel B. Jane is lovely, elegant and beautiful but I find her purity to be quite a bore. Spice it up Miss English Rose.
(SCORE = 21)

BOYS

Cameron Mathison (All My Children) coupled with Edyta Silwinska - When Zeus stepped on the floor this week, he looked like a Greek god. Bruno compared his looks to Superman but his stiffness to Clark Kent. He did seem a bit tight and intense during this performance. He pales in comparison to my Albert. Hopefully Cameron will lighten his workload with All My Children and his breakdowns during rehearsals. (SCORE = 21)

Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (boxer) coupled with Karina Smirnoff - Quickstep. Fancy footwork served him well. His feet move like a butterfly, but his dancing most certainly does not sting like a bee. Floyd looks like a fighter running around the ring when he is on the dance floor. But at least he wasn't tossing Karina around like a bag of beans this week. He has made some improvement. (SCORE = 21)

Helio Castroneves (race car driver) coupled with Julianne Hough - There is something breathtaking in this pairing. Incredible. Maybe it is because they are both fabulously pleasing on the eye. They seem to be the perfect dance partners. Made for each other kind of partners. Helio has certainly uncovered a hidden talent for dance. Watching him learn to dance is like watching a passionate love affair unfold. It is like M-A-G-I-C. (SCORE = 27)

Albert Reed (supermodel) coupled with Anna Trebunskaya - My darling has returned with sweet, heartfelt dedications to his grandfather. He is such a kind soul. Len pegged Albert as the dark horse of the season. He is a dark horse that deserves to be ridden long and hard through rain and thunder all the way to the end of this competition. Albert's dancing was a bit staggered and awkward during this performance but his stage presence covered any blunders and technical weaknesses. He was distracted by his love and dedication to his grandfather. Give my darling a chance to transform. Let him show us what he is made of, I suspect he is made of honey, chocolate, sugar, and fresh whipped cream. (SCORE=2,000,000) (Ok no, the real SCORE=21)

Mark Cuban (billionaire entrepreneur) coupled with Kym Johnson - Well, Mark kicked up the sympathy vote (with his blood, sweat and tears work ethic and fear of failure remarks) and his sex appeal vote (with the black fitted muscle shirt, clean shaven skin and youthful hair cut). He tried to add some hip action into the mambo, but compared to the hip-swing of Albert, he might as well have been dancing with a hoola-hoop. Mark is constantly making weird facial expressions and lip-syncing the song throughout the dance. This isn't the Singing Bee! Mark looked better during this performance than he did during last week's tragic, dumpy old man hobo outfit. Bulldog chasing a squirrel, indeed! Get him out of here. (SCORE = 18)

Wayne Newton (singer) coupled with Cheryl Burke - Honestly, I know the man is a legend and all but his smile scares the daylights out of me. His dancing is simply terrible! His quickstep was too slow and his body is just too big and terrifying. Sure, he brought the Las Vegas cheese to the floor but he also brought Clint Eastwood's orangutan sidekick from the movie, Every Which Way but Loose. I realize that Wayne has a massive fan base but we mustn't be subjected to his stomping for much longer. Time to go Wayne. Time to exit stage left. (SCORE = 19)

"And the man at the back said, everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz. And the girl in the corner said, Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz."

STOLEN FROM THE DANCE FLOOR...(ripped from my soul)...Albert.

What? What? What? This cannot be. The results were just revealed. I have no words. No words. No thoughts. No feelings. I feel only horror, sheer disbelief, and outrage. May this show plummet and crash in the ratings. May the earth quake and destroy ABC's studios. May someone start a riot and set the dance floor ablaze. There is no justice in the world. Nothing makes sense. How could Albert lose? How could he lose to Wayne? Are we living in apple-pied America or planet of the apes? Something is wrong with the voting. My vision is becoming blurred. I am seeing white spots. Hearing high-pitched noises. Losing strength in my fingers. Don't take Albert. Albert. Albert.

Song by – The Sweet - Ballroom Blitz

The three-night premiere of Dancing with the Stars (Season 5) proved to be a stellar success for ABC. Having never watched this show in the past, I am a stranger to its charm. To be honest, I thought watching this dancing phenomenon would be a bore. Imagined myself fast-forwarding through the dance numbers. Convinced I would have zero interest in these B-list celebrities. I believed that watching men dance would be an utter snooze fest and far from masculine or sexy. Oh, what a fool! What a damn fool.

I am hooked. Sold. Sucked into the storm. And 100 percent in lust over Albert Reed. At this point, I need an intervention. I have resorted back to my teen-aged self. Someone send me a Tiger Beat magazine with a pullout picture of Albert that I can strategically hang on my bedroom wall. Strategically meaning: close to my bed. Did anyone see this hunk dance? I will admit it here. Only once. And will never admit this again. I have watched Albert's gyrating, magical, sensual, hip-thrusting, Elvis Presley-inspired performance 27 times. 27 times. My upstairs neighbor must think I have gone off the deep end, hearing the same Elvis tune, echoing and ringing from my apartment. "A little less conversation, a little more action, please..."

This is how it played out:

Jennie Garth (former 90210 actress) coupled with Derek Hough - Jennie is the "yummy mummy" of the bunch. She is beautiful, nervous, and shy. When she took the floor, you could literally see her confidence rising. It took her a minute, but she settled nicely into her cha cha cha'ing uptown girl self. It didn't hurt matters (or votes) to have her gorgeous husband, Peter Facinelli, and one of her three lovely daughters standing in the wings, wholeheartedly cheering her on. Makes the heart swell. (SCORE = 21)

Josie Maran (supermodel) coupled with Alec Mazo - I have a slight affection for the uncoordinated Josie. As a woman who lacks coordination, I can sympathize with her bumbling and goofy approach to learning a dance of precision and grace. She just didn't pull it off. In fact, she didn't even come close to pulling it off. She was stiff and scared and lacked any element of a dancer quality during her performance. If not for anything else, she did bring one mighty lesson to prime time television: stunning models can be DECEPTIVELY UNFIT. Can I get an amen? (SCORE = 16)

Sabrina Bryan (Cheetah Girl) coupled with Mark Ballas - Sabrina rocked the show. The energy and "surgical precision" she brought to her dance left me awe struck. Bruno called her a bewitching blonde dynamo. She is a force on the dance floor and won the premiere week's competition-hands down. (SCORE=26)

Marie Osmond (singer) coupled with Jonathan Roberts - Marie is a natural performer and her ability to make fun of herself and ham it up with the audience might win her votes. Her dancing wasn't all that impressive but the personality she brought to the floor charmed the audience and judges. (SCORE = 21)

Mel B (Spice Girl) coupled with Maksim Chmerkovskly - Mel's seductive moves, wild personality and leopard print dress proved this "feisty kitten" might be tamed enough to master the art of dance. (SCORE = 24)

Jane Seymour (actress) coupled with Tony Dovolani - Jane proves that age has no bounds when it comes to elegance and ability. Who knew her childhood dreams of becoming a dancer were dashed because of an injury? Makes me want to root for her. With a seemingly effortless grace, she naturally glided across the dance floor. The fox trot embodied Jane's natural presence and gave her a bump in the competition.
(SCORE = 24)

BOYS

Cameron Mathison (All My Children) coupled with Edyta Silwinska - Yes, Cameron is a good-looking man. He could capture votes based solely on his big, dazzling, pearly-white smile. However, his over-the-top goofiness became slightly annoying after the first 30 seconds. At least, until they showed pictures of his childhood with his legs bound by braces. I forgave his boisterous personality immediately. His dancing was best described by Bruno, "Somewhere between a Rolls Royce and a Buick." (SCORE = 21)

Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (boxer) coupled with Karina Smirnoff - Floyd will be fun to watch. Appropriately nicknamed "September Storm" he came banging and swinging onto the dance floor. While he has great moves, he did manhandle Karina with the aggression of a boxer much more than with the grace of a dancer. Give the man some time to let go of the boxing ring and embrace the dance floor. He will likely transform. (SCORE = 18)

Helio Castroneves (race car driver) coupled with Julianne Hough - Yikes. Yummy. Delicious. Handsome. Sexy. Charming. I love Helio. He has the most staying power of all the men in the competition. The way he moved across the floor and led his partner through the dance, one would think he has been dancing all his life. Seems to hold a natural talent for the rhythm, charisma, and sex appeal of a dancer. I have a crush on this man. He and his partner look PERFECT together. (SCORE = 25)

Albert Reed (supermodel) coupled with Anna Trebunskaya - Pause. Rewind. Slow motion. Play. Rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. Rewind. Slow motion. Words cannot express my depth of gratitude for this chiseled, glowing, work of art. Right out of the gate, Albert walked close to the line of arrogance and over-the-top humor, but once his clothes were ripped off and his body started to move, I couldn't hold a thought in my head. Let alone an argument that he was arrogant or shallow. I have fallen hard. He might last to the end of this competition based on my votes alone. (SCORE=21)

Mark Cuban (billionaire entrepreneur) coupled with Kym Johnson - There is something not all that endearing about the 50-foot front doors to Mark's mansion or his boasting about his billions. He does have a quirky and spirited personality but most likely lacks the fan base he will need to secure his place in this competition. His average dancing coupled with his severe hip injury make for lackluster performances. Aside from the dance moves, his hobo-dancing ensemble was surely not winning any votes. He needs to increase his sex appeal if he is to last much longer. Oh wait, this isn't a contest about sex appeal? Could have fooled me. (SCORE = 21)

Wayne Newton (singer) coupled with Cheryl Burke - Clearly, I am not in touch with the adoration and respect that the audience and judges hold for Wayne Newton. He might be a legend to millions but the man really cannot dance well. I did not enjoy one moment of his performance and hope he will be next to exit the show. However, with a fan base as strong as Wayne's, he could likely be around for a good part of the competition. But admit it, he looks kind of scary. (SCORE = 19)

SHAMED OFF THE DANCE FLOOR...

The deceptively unfit model (hehehe) Josie Moran was voted off the show. Sadly, I would have liked to witness a bumbling, uncoordinated woman transform into an elegant and graceful dancer. Is that even possible? Josie seems to think so. Upon her exit, she proclaimed, "I will learn to dance!" I kind of believed her.

For me, all is well, as I know that somewhere out there in this great world, Albert is practicing his next dance for me. Maybe he is shaking his hips in this very moment. I shudder at the thought of him ever being voted off the show. And cannot promise to continue writing this column should that day arrive. But for now, (((sigh))) Albert will dance, bump, grind and sway his bare-chested way across my soul. "A little more bite and a little less bark. A little less fight and a little more spark. Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me. Satisfy me baby..."

Song by - Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation

According to TMZ, the following is a list of people who will participate in Dancing with the Stars. The list also includes 2 substitutes.

Aaron Carter

Wayne Newton

Mark Cuban

Jane Seymour

Mel B (not dancing, but playing a role on the show)

Tori Spelling

Jennie Garth

Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

Lou Ferrigno

Nia Peeples

Richard Quest

Giselle Bundchen

Helio Castroneves

Sabrina Bryan

... And the Dancing With the Stars 4 mirror-ball trophy goes to (insert drum roll here)... speed skater and Olympic gold medalist, Apolo Anton Ohno, and his professional dance partner, Julianne Hough! Just thought I'd save you some time and get straight to the point. While Tuesday's two hour finale was the series' best produced finale to date, viewers had to sit through segment after segment of filler time to find out the winner in the last 10 minutes. Yeah, I know... it's May sweeps.

Tuesday night's finale featured numerous filler segments, from tracing the show's roots (it is originally a UK format) to allowing this past season's eliminated stars the opportunity to take center stage again. We were reminded once again of how... oh, how do I say this nicely... awful some of them were on the dance floor. To break up the monotony of the two-hour finale, the producers also brought back funny-late night-man Jimmy Kimble and his security guard side-kick in a humorous sketch where they promoted the sale of their dance lessons DVD. Note to ABC: I'd buy that DVD just for kicks.

Always honest yet funny, Laila said she was "pissed" to not make it to the final two. "It doesn't mean anything no matter who wins," said the daughter of boxing champ legend, Muhummad Ali. "Especially because I didn't."

That left Joey Fatone and Apolo Ohno as the final two celebrity dancers. Throughout the competition, viewers got to know them better each week as the show gave us glimpses of the couples behind the scenes. Viewers were able to connect with them as they struggled to learn their dances and as they bonded with their partners. We related to Joey Fatone because of his showmanship. Whether it was getting into character in a zoot suit or using a light saber while dancing to the Star Wars theme, Joey entertained the crowd like no other. On the flip side, Apolo Ohno's determination for perfection as an athlete earned him the audience's respect. Ohno was the first finalist to earn a perfect score this season with his samba in April.

In the end, Apolo Ohno and his partner, Julianne Hough, beat out Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson to win the Dancing with the Stars Season 4 competition. Ohno said, "I feel amazing. You put your mind to something, you give 100 percent, sacrifice and dedication, anything is possible." Well, now. Sounds like someone's been watching The Secret DVD!

For more information on the Dancing with the Stars tour click here.

The dancing was simply fierce this week. After eight weeks of competition, the field was narrowed down to the best celebrity dancers, including Olympic speed skater Apolo Ohono, former Beverly Hills 90210 actor Ian Ziering, female boxing champ Laila Ali and former boy band N Sync member Joey Fatone. This week, Judge Len Goodman gave our semi-finalists dancing tips, providing them with a sense of renewed energy. Len zoned in on the problem areas of each of the contestants, and these tips seemed to stick with them on the dance floor. The dancers exuded not only skill, but confidence and showmanship, making the decision on who to vote for difficult at the end. Simply put, this was "strongest semifinals yet!"

Everyone loved Apolo and Julianne's sexy cha cha, everyone except Len, that is. While the crowd went wild over their performance, Len's bitter old man complex came rearing its ugly head, complaining that the dance was "too raunchy." He reminded me of Baby's dad in the flick Dirty Dancing with his pursed lips and disapproving nod of their raunchy dance moves. Len's unfortunate comments and score cost the couple their goal for the night. They received a total score of 59 out of 60, which really wasn't bad but they definitely deserved a perfect score.

Next up on the dance floor was Ian Ziering and two-time Dancing with the Stars reigning champ, Cheryl Burke. Ian radiated confidence this week like I've never seen before. Apparently, consulting a life coach earlier in the week reassured him of his dancing skills, because Ian was not only passionate on the dance floor but fun to watch too. His tango earned him his very first 10 from the bitter old man, Len, of all judges! He had been yearning for a 10 for so long that when it finally happened I was so excited for him that I scared my cat when I yelled out a "YES!" in my living room. His second performance was the mother of all performances. Ian summoned his inner actor instincts and put on an Elvis wig and costume while dancing the jive. He was so good that he not only received one 10 but three 10s this time! Yayy!

Then, there was Laila Ali. I thought Carrie Ann hit it on the nail on Monday night when she said that Laila had it the toughest as the last female celebrity in the semi-finals because she's being compared to the other women who are all professional dancers. Apparently, there is no need to worry, because Laila and her partner were the first couple in the show's history to receive a total of 60 out of 60 perfect score for the semi-finals. Were they better than Apolo and Julianne? That's the big question of the night. While she had two very solid performances, I think that Apolo still out-danced Laila on the dance floor.

Last up was Joey Fatone. Joey and Kym danced – surprise, surprise – the foxtrot. However, these two stood out with an old-Hollywood themed performance, and Carrie Ann declared them the winners of the ballroom round. After they performed yet another amazing and entertaining second number, it was no surprise that Joey tied with Laila as the second celebrity dancer to receive a perfect 60 out of 60 score in the show's history. Len described Joey perfectly by saying, "He has what everyone else has but bigger… personality."

While all of the celebrity dancers brought their "A" game on Monday night, in the end we had to say good-bye to my favorite under-dog celebrity dancer, Ian Ziering. While Ian's departure on Tuesday was incredibly touching and sincere, his sudden confidence and top-notch moves were a little too late for the competition. Having Laila, Joey and Apolo pitted against one another in the finale will be the show to watch next week. I, for one, will be tuned in to see who wins the championship trophy.

For the past 11 weeks, the judges rode him like a $2 mule. And on last night's Dancing with the Stars on ABC, Ian Ziering went out like a thoroughbred.

The former 90210 teen idol, now an annoyingly young looking 43, was a consistently good competitor, but for some reason the judges never liked him. His best scores--three perfect 10s--came this week in what would be his swan song (dance) performance. To get the unanimous approval of judges Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, Ziering had to wear an Elvis wig the size of a haystack and dance in a white jumpsuit festooned with studs and sequins. He boogied his tight buns off, ending the routine with a perfectly executed round-off, a move Elvis couldn't have done on his best day on earth.

Click here to read the rest of Dancing with the Stars: Judges Out of Step with Ian Ziering

This week on Dancing with the Stars: A boxing legend shows his support, egos are wounded, a computer glitch causes controversy with the scores, and we finally say good-bye to Mr. Achey Breaky Heart.

I knew it was going to be an entertaining Monday night on Dancing with the Stars when we saw the legendary Muhammad Ali in the audience. He was there to support his daughter Laila Ali, and you could feel that the crowd was electrified by his presence all night long.

Ian's smiles were all gone though when the judges began critiquing their first round performance. Len said that their fox trot was "a bit skipy and a bit hoppy." While Bruno said he looked like "a jumping goat." Ouch. We could clearly make out the disappointment on Ian's face from those comments. However, the criticism was mild in comparison to what Bill Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff had to endure.

According to Bruno, Billy Ray's fox trot was "deliciously awful," but then he ended with, "it was crap!" I know that English is a second language for Bruno, and his incoherent comments prove that on a continuous basis, but this time Bruno even realized that he took his comments too far. Billy Ray's ego was wounded beyond repair.

Billy Ray's tirade backstage with "Always Flubbing Her Lines" Samantha Harris went something like this: "You know I've held my tongue the whole time, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. Bruno calling me crap is the pot calling the kettle black." Billy Ray didn't stop there. After their second dance, Billy Ray told Samantha, "It's just hard to come back after that type of rudeness, and I'm sorry, it's just so rude. It's so rude. We gave it everything we've got to get to this point, and we tried really hard and worked really hard and made it this far. You would think somebody would have the courtesy to at least have better manners." I don't know about you, but I have my money on Billy Ray in the boxing ring. Although, he probably wouldn't be coordinated for that either. Maybe Muhummad could give him some pointers?

Egos continued to be knocked down when Len gave Apolo Ohno and Julianne's tango in the first round a lower than deserved score (an "8"). Meanwhile, Bruno and Carrie Anne gave them a perfect "10," calling it "electric" and "perfect." Uh, that's quite a discrepancy in their scores! Bruno and Len even got into a scuffle over this, and for a moment I thought these two were going to have a cat fight! (Yeah, no boxing ring for them). To add to the confusion, there was a problem with Carrie Anne's keypad score. Backstage, Samantha Harris said that Carrie Ann had held up the wrong paddle, entering a score of 9 instead of 10 in her keypad. Carrie Ann protested, saying that she had really keyed in a score of 10. Thankfully, Tom Bergeron was there to clear things up after the commercial break, ensuring that the 10 would stay in affect. Ooh... I just got an image of Carrie Anne taking down Samantha Harris in the boxing ring!

Thankfully, everyone seemed to get their act together in the second round. Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson rocked the house with their mambo to "Pump It' by the Black Eyed Peas. Apolo and Julianne had the best performance of the entire night with their Paso Doble, garnering them a perfect score from all three of the judges. Laila Ali and Maks had a solid and consistent night, too. Even Billy Ray and Karina received a higher score in the latin round. Although, that score still wasn't enough to save them.

My guess is that Billy Ray was eliminated on Tuesday night because he drew some unnecessary attention from the previous night's tirade. Oh yeah, and he dances like crap. (Bruno said it, not me!). Interestingly, Ian and Cheryl were saved from being in the bottom two this time. Perhaps, they gained some of Billy Ray's votes, not to mention attracting our attention because of our new found intrigue that there may be some sexual tension going on between them? Hehe. Nonetheless, when it came down to Joey Fatone and Billy Ray Cyrus in the bottom two, it was clear who would be going home. And, frankly, it really was just a matter of time when we had to say good-bye to Billy Ray and Karina. In fact, they lasted much longer than anyone expected. WAY longer than expected.

In Week 7 of Dancing with the Stars, Ian Ziering finally came alive on the dance floor, Apolo Ohno was knocked off the golden child pedestal, and the race to be the front runner was on between Laili Ali and Joey Fatone.

On the flip side, Apolo Ohno and his partner, Julianne, weren't so lucky this week. The judges unexpectedly turned on them, scolding them for their "good but not great" performances. The adorable pair danced the fox trot in the first round and the mambo in the second. Despite incorporating more difficult moves in their dances than any other couple, Len still thought they could have been better. They weren't "on" like they were with the samba two weeks ago. Bruno felt otherwise, and he stuck up for the pair by giving them a 10 in the Latin round. In the backstage interview with Samantha "Always-Flubbing-Her-Lines" Harris, we clearly saw that Apolo's ego was hurt. He fired back at the judges, noting their inconsistencies in their scores and comments. That took chutzpah. Although, I do think that the amount of praise that the judges dote on Billy Ray is just ridiculous and unfair. Regardless, Apolo needs to show a little more humility and not come off so cocky.

If anyone deserved major praise this week it was a tie between two celebrities, Laila Ali and Joey Fatone. Laila is the only female celebrity left in the competition, and she stepped up to the plate and hit the ball out of the park with both of her performances. In the ballroom round, Laila was pleased to receive her first 10 from Carianne and another from Bruno. In the Latin round, Laila shook her booty and danced the samba with great confidence and big movements. Bruno said that "this was the pleasure principal set to the samba beat." God only knows what he meant by that! Laila was just happy to get yet another perfect 10 from Carianne and the rest of the judges. With nearly five perfect 10s out of a possible six, you would think that Laila and Maks had the competition in the bag this week, right? Not so fast. Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson came on strong and were right on their heels. Joey looked like a professional dancer in the waltz, receiving a total of 29 out of 30. For the Latin round, Joey and Kym danced a jive, which I didn't know was considered a Latin dance. Anyway, they knocked the judges' socks off and received a perfect score too!

In the end, we said good-bye to John Ratzenberger, which seemed to be the right decision. My guess is that it'll come down to Ian Ziering and Billy Ray Cyrus next week. If Ian can win over the audience with his showmanship again, then he may be able to stick around another week. One thing is for sure, I keep flip-flopping on who I think will be crowned this season's champions - Laila, Joey or Apolo. Feel free to chime in with your opinions!

In week 6 of Dancing with the Stars, Heather Mills comes prepared with a good-bye speech at the Results show, Beverly Hills, 90210's Ian Ziering was scolded for not dancing more like Mr. two-left-feet Billy Ray Cyrus, the first group dance of the season proved to be "inventive and odd," and always-flubbing-her-lines Samantha Harris makes her biggest boo-boo yet!

Interestingly, there seems to be a theme with the voting public the past couple of weeks - no effort, no gain. That may explain why Drexler and Mills have been eliminated thus far. Of course, the show works partly as a popularity contest, but viewers are also proving to have very little tolerance for celebrities that show no effort or a desire to be in the competition. The mediocre dancers left in the competition should take note from Joey Fatone, Apolo Ohno and Laili Ali. They each poured their heart and soul into their routines this week, allowing them to sail into another week in the competition. While I truly believe that the former Beverly Hills 90210 star, Ian Ziering, put great effort into his dance routine this week, he still got reamed by the judges for not showing the same kind of passion like...gasp... Billy Ray?!? It took me a second to comprehend this comment, and for the first time this week I think I get why Billy Ray is still in the competition. Yes, he is the worst dancer among the celebrities, and by worst I mean the hill-billie can't dance, but Billy Ray does show a lot of heart when he performs. Seriously, it takes guts to get out there on stage and dance that bad. I feel for Ian though. His face just dropped when he was compared to Billy Ray. I think he is really trying to please the judges, but is just falling flat each week. And, after seeing him have fun in the group dance, I think he has it in him to step it up.

Speaking of the group dance, host Tom Bergeron described the swing routine best, "that was inventive and odd." I didn't quite get what was going on towards the end of the routine the first time I saw it, but in their encore performance on Tuesday it grew on me - in an "inventive and odd" kind of way. It was like they were doing gymnastic moves mixed in with pantomime? Anyway, I'm just glad there wasn't another awkward encore moment with always-flubbing-her-lines Samantha Harris on Tuesday. Oh wait, there was.
It doesn't get any better than Samantha Harris revealing the score for Laila and Maks performance BEFORE the judges held up their paddles! A flustered Samantha tried explaining to the TV audience what happened, "I let the cat out of the bag a little early, but that's how it works folks!" No, it doesn't! Um, maybe her pregnancy is making her forget the simple outline of her job? It goes - performance, interview, judges' scores, and THEN a recap of the score. It's not brain surgery. Really, it's not.

Anyway, that's your recap for this week. See you next time!

This week on Dancing with the Stars a dancer takes a tumble, Laila seduces the judges with her sexy rumba moves, a couple receive the first perfect score, and Clyde's dancing proves to be too painful to watch (ever again).

The celebrities finally stepped it up this week, showing us not only their sassy moves but their classy side too. And, it only took them five weeks to get there. This was my favorite week because I was thoroughly entertained from the get-go. Seeing Ian's tight outfit (a la John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever) and Heather Mill's partner, Jonathan, get his chest completely waxed, gave me hope that this night might be different from the previous nights. While Ian and Cheryl scored all eights from the judges, Heather and Jonathan's samba left something to be desired. What was their lasting impression? Heather tried to strike a pose on her fake leg, but fell. Even though she can't vogue if her life depended on it, Carrie Ann still gave her props for being so courageous on the dance floor.

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain't that sad
Ain't it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl

Laila and Maks received two nines and a ten from the judges! But, wait. Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, then came Apolo and Julianne to blow everyone out of the water. Julianne had fire in her eyes this week. She wanted to come in first and no one could stop her, and these two attacked the samba with a tiger-like intensity like no other. Now, I could bust out with the lyrics from Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger," but I'll spare you. Needless to say, Apolo and Julianne received the first perfect score of the season from the judges. They were asked to perform their samba again the following night in the Results show, too. Carrie Ann described their performance best with just one word - "perfection."

Of course, there were celebrities that were far from perfect, too. There was Billy Ray, standing in one spot while Karina did some fancy foot work around him. And, then there was Clyde Drexler. Clyde showed absolutely no improvement, much less effort, again this week. In fact, did anyone see Clyde shake his head "no" when Samantha was telling viewers how we have the power to save them and bring them back next week? Uh, yeah, that was not a subliminal message, but an out-right cry for help to vote him off already!! Well, he got his wish. Clyde and Elena were the fourth couple eliminated from the competition. And, good riddance. I couldn't take another dance from big foot again.

Mothers' intuitions are always right, even when it comes to picking which D-list celebrity should be eliminated in a dancing competition.

I made my mama watch DWTS with me this week. What's funny about that is that her primary language is Spanish and she never watches reality shows. However, she soon caught on to this dancing phenomenon and even started talking back to the TV set and commenting on everyone's performance. So, when she said "esta tiesa" or "she's stiff" about Leeza Gibbons' dancing, I knew she was on to something.

And, when Leeza was eliminated on Tuesday night, I wasn't surprised. My mama's always right about everything. I don't think it helped Leeza that she had to dance the paso doble to Bon Jovi. You'd think the producers would know by now that song choice can make or break a performance. Some of you may recall that last season Vivica danced the paso doble to a Bon Jovi song and was also given the axe. Oy, that's not a good sign for anyone that has to dance to a Bon Jovi song again in the near future. Regardless, Leeza was already on her way out, even though she really was not the worst dancer among the bunch. I still think that Billy Ray Cyrus and Clyde Drexler are even worse dancers, but they have a bigger fan base than Leeza to save them each week.

Thankfully, the judges finally spoke up this week about the lackluster performances. The judges have been way too lenient with their scores and I think the overall show has suffered a bit because of it. Len lectured each celebrity about putting in more practice time and showing greater effort. I thought he was going to pop a vein with how angry he got. He was especially harsh on Clyde, giving him a score of 4 on his performance. Ouch. Seriously though, can you blame him? Clyde looks like how I imagine Big Foot would dance.

Then, Len did a 180 on his new tough love strategy when he was lenient on Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff. They did not deserve the 7's across the board based on their dancing this week. Those scores were sympathy scores. Carrie Ann said of Billy Ray's dancing, "That was oddly awkward and sexy and hot and strange all at once." The judges went on to explain that they're not saying that he's turning into a great dancer, but that he is improving and they appreciate his effort. I'm sure the segment showing a frustrated Karina running to the bathroom crying helped them gain an extra point or two from the judges this week, too. So I dare ask, where is the objective scoring? If I was rewarded with a bonus for every time I cried when I was frustrated at work after putting in long hours, I'd be a millionaire by now. Then again, my life is not a reality show.

If I were ABC, I'd be a little nervous right about now with these blasé celebrities and performances. So far, the Tuesday night Results show seems to be holding its own at a high Nielsen rating and share of 11.3/17. If anything, there is a slight drop off from last season, but over all it is still impressive considering they're going up against the powerhouse American Idol. Regardless, the producers and ABC should not take for granted that viewers will stick around if the performances continue to lack in entertainment. Otherwise, they will have to over-compensate by pulling out all the stops for Tuesdays' shows. Their "surprise guest" this past Tuesday night was season 2's champ, Drew Lachey. Drew and his former dance partner, Cheryl Burke, performed their famous free-style cowboy theme dance, and the audience ate it up. Yeah, thanks again for reminding us how awful the celebrities are again this season. Maybe next week the producers will one up themselves and we'll learn that Tom Bergeron is pregnant. Now that would make for some exciting television.

No prosthetic limbs went flying across the center stage of Dancing with the Stars' season 4 premiere on Monday night. However, Heather Mills, "the one-legged, gold-digging former porn model and ex-hooker," according to readers of the British tabloids, might just pull off (pun intended) becoming America's beloved underdog.

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