Tonight's episode started out with Courtney and Jean-Robert exchanging words. I think she is overreacting a bit to his "yelling," but then if I was a walking skeleton, maybe I'd be a bit on edge to. Seriously, that girl needs to put on at least 15 pounds. I know thin is in, but bones are gross. Okay, that didn't rhyme, but I got my point across.

Zhan Hu found out they had mold in their rice. Sherea tried to separate the good from the bad. Dave said she should put the good rice in something else and she just snapped. She told him to "not start with her." Seriously, she lost it. She started picking up shells and putting them in a plate and Dave nicely asked her "Please do not throw those away." She kept loading them and began to walk off. Dave walked after her, saying again "Please do not throw those away." He was pretty calm about it, but she just got all ghetto on him. She said, "I wish you would come a second time. I mean it." It was as if she were looking for a fight. I was expecting an episode of The Jerry Springer Show to break out at any minute. I will admit last week I thought Dave was crazy with the naked challenge thing, but it looked like crazy jumped all over Sherea tonight. Finally, Frosti jumped in and asked Sherea to give the shells to him. Dave said he just wanted some of the shells to take to his mom. Aw.

The tribes got treemail that they all go to tribal council that night, but it turns out it was just a challenge. Two members of each tribe had to use giant chopsticks to carry a flaming ball down a course to a shoot. When they dropped the flaming ball into the shoot, it dropped it into a wok and set off fireworks. Each time, the chopsticks would get longer, making it harder to carry the ball. The tribe who finished first would have a family come and visit them. The family would teach them how to catch fish and also cook for them using spices and vegetables.

Fei Long led the challenge the whole way. They won - I should have known Jean-Robert would work hard to get food! The tribe decided to kidnap Dave, who was glad to go after all the drama with Sherea. Dave tried to network while there. Todd said he was a nutcase and annoying, but Dave felt a kinship with Todd and gave him the scroll. So now, Todd is the only one with all three clues. Todd told him that if Zhan Hu kidnapped him, he would return the favor.

Zhan Hu was a bit suspicious that Dave looked so happy to be going to Fei Long, but after he was gone, they realized he was the workhorse of the tribe. Sherea just laid on her lazy butt while everyone else finally decided to do some work or it wouldn't get done. She said she was going to "ride the work horse till the tail fell off. I'm not doing anything I don't have to." Nice attitude Sherea!

Who could have known that when the family showed up that Jean-Robert would be able to speak to them in Mandarin? Even Todd was impressed! Jean-Robert said he spent a few years in Taiwan when he was a kid and it paid off for Fei Long. James got a bit annoyed, saying Jean-Robert was on his high horse, but even he had to admit that Jean-Robert did good. And we finally got to hear from Denise tonight as she and Aaron were sent out with the family to learn to fish. I had no idea she sounded like New York City fireman!

The immunity challenge was for two members of each tribe to dress in traditional Chinese armor. Behind them were porcelain vases. They had to use a meteor hammer to try to smash the vases, while using a bamboo pole to block their opponent's shots. Each tribe got three throws and the one that broke the most vases won immunity. James, who surely must have been a Chinese warrior in a past life, helped Fei Long take an early lead, but then Jaime showed off knocking off two vases with one hammer. Holy moly! I was impressed. She helped Zhan Hu catch up, but then Amanda hit a final vase and Zhan Hu was headed to tribal council.

Dave tried to remind everyone how he was the workhorse and Sherea didn't do anything. Sherea knew it was between her and Dave, but she reminded everyone that she busted her butt during challenges.

At tribal council, they fought back and forth about what was more important - working around the camp or trying to win challenges. I think Peih-Gee had the right idea when she said both were important! Sherea said she was trying to do more and step it up, which cause Peih-Gee to glare at her and Jaime to frown.

I thought for sure Sherea had shot herself in the foot with her tribal council statements, but the vote was unanimous - everyone was tired of Dave and he was voted out. I guess they figured he had served his purpose. Now the tribe needs a new leader. Who will step up? Surely not Sherea, she is too lazy. And Peih-Gee tried once before, but she got on everyone's nerves. I think Zhan Hu made a mistake in getting rid of Dave, but I don't know.

And I noticed a pattern - be kidnapped by the other team and you go home. Happened to Leslie last week and happened to Dave this week. Hum.

The first challenge was interesting. There were two boats attached on each end. Three contestants (girls versus girls and guys versus guys) would go at each other in hand-to-hand combat and try to throw or push the other tribe off the boat. The last tribe standing would get one point. Three points equally a win and it was for a big prize - comfort items such as kerosene, a lantern, blankets, pillows, rope, and a tarp. Fei Long had to sit out two people, so they chose the smallest - Todd and Courtney. I would have thought the Fei Long girls would have had an advantage with Denise being the stoutest on either team, but not true. Zhan Hu won the first girl's round. Next up were the men and Dave did the strangest thing. He pulled his shorts off, going naked. I don't know what he was thinking and everyone looked pretty shocked. I mean, Fei Long had James and Jean-Robert, the two largest guys on the show, so maybe Dave was trying to go with the shock factor or figured he would dangle his you-know-what in someone's face and in a homophobic fit, they would fling themselves into the water. Not sure what this strategy was, but it didn't work. The Fei Long guys easily won. The next round had the same results - the Zhan Hu girls won then the Fei Long guys won again. So the score was tied 2-2. The deciding round was the girls. I was hoping maybe the Fei Long girls had figured out something, but no, they lost again (that little Peih-Gee is tough!) and Zhan Hu won their first challenge this season.

In winning, they could "kidnap" a member of Fei Long, so they chose Leslie. Thankfully, Dave promised to keep his pants on while she was there. I really think Dave is starting to lose it. Leslie got the scroll from Jeff and decided to return the favor to Jaime and give it to her. Jaime got the first clue to the hidden immunity idol plus a second "towards the heavens" clue. But, the survivors are still clueless. Leslie talks to the girls while swimming. That sly Peih-Gee casually asked about Fei Long and Leslie spilled her guts about the tribe members.

Over at Fei Long, Jean-Robert and James have an interesting conversation, within earshot of Courtney and Todd. At first, they talk about Leslie or as Jean-Robert has dubbed her "Sister Christian" after the Night Ranger song. He tells James she isn't going to last long. James cracked me up as some of his personality started to show through. He said something about the tribe buying all that prayer stuff. "People who pray the most sin the most - that's why they pray! They know they going to hell." I was glad to see James opening up. He is quickly becoming my favorite survivor this season. Jean-Robert says Courtney and Todd will be the first to go. Todd, overhearing this, says, "I'll strangle his ass." Thos are mighty big words coming from a dude who is about the size of one of Jean-Robert's legs! Jean-Robert accuses James of liking Courtney, saying that a million dollars is good, but a million dollars and a piece of tail is even better. Jean-Robert is now talking crap as if he was sitting at a poker table!

The immunity challenge was once again a physical challenge. Four tribe members had to individually chop through wood to cut a rope. Four puzzle pieces would drop down. Once they had all the puzzle pieces, two other tribe members would put the puzzle together then drag the puzzle (which had a heavy base) over the finish line. I figure Fei Long had this one in the bag, but they made one mistake - they let Courtney play. She was up first and she was barely swinging at the wood. She spent quite a bit of her time whining with her little stick self. Zhan Hu finished before Courtney finally got her pieces down. Finally, with encouragement from her tribe, she got through the wood and rope. Fortunately, they had heartier tribe members up next and they were able to get all their pieces before Zhan Hu finished the puzzle. However, Jean-Robert and Todd were trying to hurry the puzzle while Sherea and Dave took their time. Not panicking paid off for Sherea and Dave - Zhan Hu won the immunity challenge.

Courtney walked around the camp like a surgeon with both hands up. Everyone - well, most everyone - told her she did a good job. Fei Long began talking about tribal council. At first, it looked like Jean-Robert might be going home. Todd, Courtney, and Leslie had decided to vote for him. Then, Todd tried to convince Amanda. But Aaron said "No" to Jean-Robert and insisted that Leslie had to go because she had become so friendly with the other tribe, they could not trust her anymore.

Jeff talked to the tribe about what went wrong and asked who should go. Jean-Robert said that obviously the physically weaker players - Todd and Courtney - should leave first. Courtney almost cried, saying the tribe always thinks about her as "where will she do the least damage." Jean-Robert said he was just keeping it real - true, so true. I had to laugh when Courtney said Jean-Robert had to go because when he snored, it sounded like someone choking a walrus. And is it just me, but are you too getting a Daniele from BB8 vibe every time you see Courtney? They are both working the whole anorexic whiney blonde waitress thing.

In the end, it was Leslie's time to go. Courtney frowned, but she had better suck it up or I fear she will be next. And Todd had better be making friends with the brawn on the team or his days may be numbered as well.

I never realized it rained so much in China. There was rain, rain, then more rain! Zhan Hu was trying to build a fire pit. They had Dave in the leadership position, with Peih-Gee serving as his underboss. But, he tends to "talk down to people" as Sherea said, telling Jaime she was "wishing really hard." But he was working hard, maybe too hard.

Over at the Fei Long campsite, we saw Jean-Robert sleep. And sleep. And sleep. Everyone is fussing about his lack of help with even Aaron saying that he needs to start pulling his weight. Jean-Robert says it is all part of his strategy. Being a poker player, he has thought all this out in his mind. He plans to be as lazy as possible, so that when he does start to do something, he will look super-human. Uh, okay, right now everyone just seems ticked off at him. Todd and Amanda form an alliance and pull in Aaron, mainly so as the leader, he can take the fall for their group decisions.

Meanwhile, Zhan Hu was still trying to build a fire pit. The girls - Sherea, Ashley, and Jaime - were all starving to death, but Dave insisted on building the pit the right way. He and Ashley constantly butted heads about this. Is it just me or is she boney skinny? I mean like Courtney Love in People vs. Larry Flint crack head skinny?

The first challenge was to pit three members of one tribe against three from the other tribe. Their goal was to move big wooden balls across the other team's goal line. Sounds easy, huh? No, they had to do it in water and mud. It was like watching mud wrestling. Aaron head locked Jaime and Jean-Robert body slammed Ashley. Soon, people started tearing at clothes to try and stop someone. Thank goodness for the censors because Ashley, unable to stop Jean-Robert, started trying to pull his pants off. Amanda's top came down, but she managed to push the first ball across the goal line for Fei Long. Once she realized she was topless, she exclaimed, "My mom is going to kill me." Ah, she just took one for the team Mom!

In the second round, Jean-Robert tried to powerhouse over everyone. While they were trying to manhandle him, James pushed the second ball across the goal and Fei Long won the challenge. They won fishing gear and the use of a boat. Jeff has promised a twist for the winning team. They could "kidnap" someone from the other team. Fei Long chose Jaime to demoralize Zhan Hu. Jaime got a scroll from Jeff that she was only to read in private. It told her to give the unopened tube to a member of Fei Long and that it contained a hidden immunity idol clue. She said she would give it to the weakest link on the team - Leslie. This turned out to be true because, not being able to figure out the clue, Leslie turned to Todd, who said, "What was she thinking?" So far, Todd wins my vote for the smartest player in the game. Leslie complained, "I feel dirty and miserable" - what did she think she was doing? Signing up for a Club Med cruise? Then she complained that she needed her Bible to feel close to God. She is sitting in the middle of this beautiful country that God created and whining - pull it together sista! Zhan Hu returned to find their camp completely flooded. Everything was ruined except Dave's sturdy fire pit. Hum.

For the immunity challenge, all the girls wore more clothes (thank goodness!). The challenge was to use a Chinese puzzle log to break down two wooden walls, and then run the puzzle through a maze, and finally ring a gong. I think Zhan Hu was hosed on this one because Fei Long has James (Mr. Muscles) and Jean-Robert on their team. Plus Aaron is no weakling. Zhan Hu has Dave. Frosti and Eric aren't big guys and Chicken looked pretty sturdy for an old guy, but they voted him off. So Dave, as the team leader, tried to do most of the battering of the walls and started to break down. Jeff had to remind Zhan Hu they were still in it. Frosti finally took over and got them back on track. Fei Long pulled ahead, but finally Zhan Hu caught up and briefly was in the lead. But Fei Long won the second immunity challenge.

Once again, Zhan Hu had to go to tribal council. Dave had no qualms about saying he planned to vote for Ashley. Her plan was to lay low then play Dave up as crazy at the council. That plan didn't work so well as Ashley was voted off four to one. Sherea cried and Ashley, apparently thinking this was a WWE match, told Dave "I'll see you soon." Personally, I am glad to see Ashley go. Now maybe Zhan Hu can pull it together and win something.

I have been looking forward to Survivor China. I knew from the previews that it would be great scenery and they did not disappoint. China is such a beautiful country!

So, who are the "Survivors" this season? There is a wide variety as usual. On the Fei Long (Flying Dragon) Red tribe is James (a gravedigger), Amanda (hiking guide and former Miss Montana), Denise (a middle school lunch lady), Leslie (a Christian radio talk show host), Todd (a gay Mormon flight attendant), Jean-Robert (a professional poker player and yes, he really is, I've seen him on televised tournaments), Courtney (a NYC waitress), and Aaron (a surfing instructor).

The first thing the Survivors did when they got there was to attend a Buddhist ceremony welcoming them. Jeff made a really nice speech about how he knew everyone had their own opinions about religion, but this was just a way for the people to welcome them. It was a beautiful temple - just absolutely gorgeous. Denise found it both spiritual and emotional to be there. And it was in the temple that I formed my first opinion about one of the contestants. Courtney - bimbo alert! When Jeff was talking to them outside the temple and said he hoped they had enjoyed their journey so far, she rolled her eyes. While they were praying, she left her hands slip down while she was looking off to the side and the monk jerked them back up. She copped an attitude, shaking her head and shifting to one hip. She said she was tired of traveling, but it was still rude.

And speaking of rude, I didn't think Leslie would be able to appreciate the beauty of the Buddhist temple. I am a Christian, but I find their temples to be beautifully ornate symbols of their religion and should we not as Christians respect others? Yeah, well, apparently not. Leslie rolled her eyes and frowned before walking out on the ceremony. She said she felt she was "bowing down to another god." When Jeff questioned her about it, she said she "was not a religious person" but had a relationship with Jesus Christ and would only "put my face on the floor for him." Okay, not sure what she considers a religious person to be, but whatever. She said she didn't mean to be rude, but I thought she was just as rude as Courtney.

The contestants then learned that they were to go to their new home with only the clothes on their back. Or in Ashley's case, the 20 pound boots on her feet. Jaime told Jeff she didn't' have a bra on, to which his reply was either it would make her very popular or be a hindrance to the tribe.

The tribes rowed a boat to their new homes and almost immediately, it seemed to start raining. When Leslie said, "at least the Big Guy upstairs is providing," Courtney did eye roll number two. Or was it number three? Who cares? She said she was in her "own private hell." Oh no, now I remember, eye roll number three was when Amanda told Todd he was "so cute." Yeah, barking up the wrong tree there Amanda. Apparently, he didn't set off her gaydar. Jean-Robert thinks he has an edge over everyone else with his poker playing skills of reading others and he may be right. But Todd seems pretty driven to remain there a long time!

Chicken was going to help with building the structure, but no one wanted to listen to him, so as crotchety old men are prone to do, he simply shut down. He said he had "a lot of experience over these characters" and of that, I have no doubt. But, I don't think his attitude set well with others. Peih-Gee decided she was on the "lazy tribe" and everyone on the Zhan Hu tribe was too whacky.

The Fei Long tribe did seem to work better together and at least put up half a shelter before nightfall, while Zhan Hu had to try to huddle under their gate as the rain poured down, with lightening all around them.

Ashley got sick with chills and dry heaves and basically did nothing the first three days. Dave said he thought she would be tougher, given her profession. Dude, she's not Chyna Doll. She is a WWE Diva who just happens to wrestle!

The challenge was to carry a ceremonial mascot through an obstacle course. The leading man (James for Fei Long and Frosti for Zhan Hu) then had to climb over two walls, releasing drawbridges. After the second wall, he had to grab a key and unlock the gate for the rest of his tribe. Then the tribe had to place their poles in the correct slots of a puzzle to win. The winning tribe got immunity and a flint. Each tribe was given running shoes, which they also got to take back with them. Too bad they didn't have clothes because Sherea had come out of her dress and was in her bra and panties. I can do without seeing that again. Anyhow, it was pretty close right up to the end, when Fei Long pulled ahead and won. Zhan Hu would be going to tribal council.

Their main concern, however, was putting together a shelter. Peih-Gee decided to try to take a leadership role, but she only came off as being bossy. Chicken and Frosti were talking and Chicken flat out told Frosti he was voted for Ashley because she did nothing, which was true.

At the tribal council, Jeff tried to bring them together by asking who wanted to take a leadership role for the tribe. Both Dave and Peih-Gee raised their hands. Peih-Gee said she didn't want to be bossy and Ashley rolled her eyes. My goodness, it is catching! Chicken came out and said he was going to vote for the person who did the least amount of work without actually saying Ashley's name, but she knew. She tried to defend herself.

In the end, I think the tribe screwed themselves. They voted Chicken off, with him screaming "Damn" after the votes were read. I know he was old and grumpy, but you have to believe that a chicken farmer can be of more help in a remote area like that then a WWE Diva. Or at least that is my opinion. Zhan Hu did get to carry their torches back to camp and got a flint so at least they have fire.

Pirate Master is a show that relies heavily on concept, but falls short on substance. The novelty has worn off. We get it. They look and act like pirates. And they're supposedly sailing this ship. And they search for fake gold that can be cashed in like casino chips. But it's all not enough to keep this show afloat and from keeping its maiden voyage from being a bust. Unless something drastic happens soon, Pirate Master is dead in the water.

Unlike most reality competition shows, it's hard for the viewer to pick a side to root for. That's because there are no sides. With the absence of tribes or teams, alliances are slow to emerge. Add the random factor of the players being sorted into new Black and Red crews each week and the show becomes a jumbled mess where no one appears to be gaining or losing significant ground.

So Red won the treasure this week in what was another anticlimactic and random victory, signaling a return of Azmyth to the captaincy and Ben and Jay to officer positions. They know that Nessa is most likely going to win the pardon (and she does, with Joe Don's contribution) so they don't waste a Black Mark on her. Instead, Louie, Laurel, and Sean are marked for elimination. Jay seems to be pulling the strings at this point.

The treasure was $40,000. Azmyth split it equally. Déjàvu? Nope, just a dull show.

One of the only entertaining parts of last night's episode was watching how fast Azmyth backtracked after telling Laurel he didn't know what side she was on. Laurel called him out and said she didn't know what "sides" he was talking about. Oops. Of course he meant sides of the ship. Like, starboard and port. Right. Yeah, that's it.

Sean was one of the last good guys on the ship. I mean, who else wants to stick around and cook dinner for his mates? He must not have been a Tyler Florence, though. Sean received the most ballots cast against him. With Nessa beating his bid for the Royal Pardon, Sean was cut adrift.

Which, I've come to realize, isn't that bad of a thing. That little raft is starting to look mighty entertaining compared to this shipwreck of a show.

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I don't care what Ben or Laurel say. I'd want my captain not to be a hardass like Joe Don. Racing crabs on deck looks fun. At least Azmyth knows how to let loose once in a while. And I don't think he's a weirdo for talking with an accent even though he's from Seattle. I was bummed, though, that the accent disappeared as soon as Azmyth handed over the captaincy.

And this week's treasure hunt was disappointing, too. Only $5000? I guess we were supposed to attribute the short haul to the fact that it was hidden by a vain Frenchman. I don't know what kind of statement Pirate Master is trying to make with that one. But there was an unexpected twist within the treasure chest.

Azmyth screwed up royally for his crew. Instead of digging at the anchor, he led Black down the beach only to decide he needed to go back to the cave to reread the clue. This wasted precious time, which gave Red the lead in digging for the treasure. How cool was that blackish blue sand that they got to play in? I wish my sandbox had been filled with that stuff when I was a kid. Anyways, Red found the treasure chest in an underdog victory. I'm always a sucker for endings like that.

Red elected Louie as captain, a position that he would later publicly disdain. The unexpected twist contained within this week's treasure was the Royal Pardon. Essentially, it grants immunity to the highest bidder among the crew. The captain gets the money after a silent auction. Should he or she need to be saved after the Pirates' Court vote, the winner of the Royal Pardon will be replaced by the second-highest vote getter. If not, the Royal Pardon must be sold and change hands week-to-week.

Louie chose Sean and Nessa as officers, and split the treasure equally among his crew. He still had it out for Joe Don, so it was no surprise that he marked him for elimination with a black spot. Cheryl, for being friends with JD, was marked, too. Azmyth was a surprise choice, but Louie wants previous captains to be tested after they lose power. Not a bad idea.

There were five bids for the Royal Pardon. Obviously, JD bid just enough ($7000) to secure it. At this point, he has the most gold by far so it didn't come as a shock. He didn't need it, though, because he only received the second most votes out of the seven ballots cast at Pirates' Court. Cheryl, instead, was set adrift in a 4-to-3 vote. It seems that a couple of the crew, including Jupiter, were upset at Cheryl's departure since she was performing well both physically and mentally.

Right now, it's a popularity contest. If a win of treasure were not guaranteed for either crew, maybe they would keep the stronger players around. But with the structure of the game as it stands now, it's a complete crapshoot. With the exception of the crew and his two officers, nobody knows which crew they will end up on any particular week. And that's preventing the formation of pirate alliances among the mates.

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But not everyone is happy about being a pirate. Alexis bitches and moans about everything, using her background in fashion as an excuse. Sure, she's not a glass blower like Laurel, but you'd think that dealing with shady people in the fashion industry would've better prepared her for the game. And what was up with her blatant non-participation during this week's treasure hunt? Seeing that camera pan from her strolling on shore to her team, Black, frantically paddling their boat was a real wtf? moment.

The teams then crossed the river to search for the skull underwater, which contained a key to the treasure. Louie found the key for Red and retrieved the treasure behind a waterfall. Really cool treasure hunt, once again. It must be so much fun to be a part of such an elaborately designed scavenger hunt.

With Red's victory came an end to Joe Don's captainship and Cheryl and Ben's runs as officers. Red elected as the new captain Azmyth, who in turn chose Jupiter and Jay as his officers. Azmyth split the treasure equally among his crew, unlike Joe Don. A move that will make him popular for now, but gives Joe Don the dominant bargaining power in gold for some time to come.

Azmyth's newfound accent is hilarious, no? He's either not taking the whole experience too seriously or is taking it way too seriously. I can't quite figure it out. Regardless, it's funny to watch. I also wonder how long it took him to grow his hair into those dreadlocks. And if they're hard to wash.

Jay tried to swing Sean's vote by giving him $1000 to get rid of Cheryl. This, after he successfully avoided the black-marking of Joe Don by Azmyth out of his loyalty to and monetary support from the former captain. But Sean ultimately decided to follow his heart and vote out Alexis. Sean is my favorite player so far. He seems like a genuinely good guy and I'm rooting for him to go far in the game. Pirates get a bad rap, but maybe he can change that.

Which reminds me. When I was younger, one of my friends was deathly afraid of pirates. One of the mini golfing places where our families would vacation together featured a pirate theme, complete with jailed pirates in caves. The pirate figures would move and sing, and it scared the crap out of him. Out of respect, my childhood buddy will remain nameless. For now.

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Does anyone else think that Joe Don looks like Sam from Top Chef 2? Just in a tool-ish sort of way. He's a mean captain: taking all that money for himself, not sharing the good food, and not doing any work. Sooner or later it's gonna catch up to him. He better pray that Black continues to win, because if they don't he won't be captain again. But then again, if he does stay on as captain, he runs the risk of mutiny if he doesn't do some serious PR damage control.

Maybe the best position in the game is not as captain but as one of the captain's officers. They get most of the perks: more money, authority, and better food and living quarters. But they also get immunity, don't they? They can't be marked for elimination and can't be mutinied against. They're protected by the captain not only by keeping his confidence, but shielded from the crew's discontent, which is mostly directed towards the captain.

Azmyth, a music producer, seems made for the game. In addition to leading the Black Crew to victory in this week's treasure hunt, he has a very pirate-y name. And the dreadlocks to match. But, seriously, that treasure hunt seemed really hard. Swimming in shark-infested waters? I don't know how real that claim is. Methinks that some exaggeration is going on. But the treacherous hike seemed legitimately grueling, and the snakes in the snake pit were real for sure.

Black won the treasure again, this time $45,000 worth. Captain JD gave a measly $200 bonus to each of the crewmembers, and gave Jay a $2000 reward for serving as his intermediary to the crew. The $200 was a stupid move. Captain JD is in a precarious situation. His selfishness will bite him in the ass as soon as he loses control.

But not yet, since none of the nine ballots were cast in mutiny. Christian was set adrift in a 5-to-4 vote against Kendra. The ex-NFLer again tried to convince the crew to mutiny like John did, and was met with the same result: a tiny raft to float away on. I wonder how far the raft really floats away and where it lands. Hopefully somewhere soon, before the "sharks" get 'em.

As someone who's watched a lot of and even participated in reality television, I can tell you that even reality shows are always scripted in some way, shape, or form. The producers of Pirate Master have taken this liberty to the extreme. Not necessarily in the actual interactions among the pirates, but it's evident in the elaborate, no-spared-expense staging of the show. It's almost as if Disney let Mark Burnett & Co. borrow the Pirates of the Caribbean movie set in between sequels. What results is a fantastical backdrop against which what will surely shape up to be one of the summer's hit shows will set sail.

To add to the show's authenticity, people who look like pirates make up the cast. At least, they have been made to seem that way. I'm sure they spend hours in makeup and wardrobe on this show. Not that I'm complaining. Because if I'm going to watch a show about pirates, it better feel and look real. The bandanas, scruffy clothes, eyeliner and manscaped beards are nice touches. Unlike Survivor, where all the contestants start well groomed, the pirates seem to have been roughed up prior to shooting. All that's missing are peg legs and a parrot. Episode 2, maybe?

Another interesting feature of Pirate Master is its narrative. The legend of Henry Steel adds an element of intrigue and effectively lends structure to the show, which will be divided into fourteen installments - one for each of Steel's crew's hidden treasures. As far as I can tell, the legend is entirely fictional and is just for show, but it'll hopefully lend continuity throughout the series and keep it entertaining.

The pirates were divided into the Black and Red crews, which then competed against one another to find the first of Steel's hidden treasures. Black led throughout and further hindered Red at the Sabotage Point, the Pirate Master equivalent to The Amazing Race's Yield. Again, the details in this show are well planned. Crabs in the treasure chest? Cute.

The "gold" totaled $40,000. Half of it went to the elected captain Joe Don. Cheryl and Ben, as his officers, received $5000 each. And they get to stay in the luxurious Captain's Quarters, while the others stay in cramped hardwood bunks, where they'll each stash their measly $2000 in gold.

Needless to say this show will be a test of wills as some players gain the upper hand over others. Sort of like Big Brother, but dirtier. Captain JD marked three of the crew with black spots: Louie, Joy, and John. John was unanimously thrown overboard for his unwillingness to be a team player, despite an ingenious plan of stealing both of the ship's compasses as bargaining chips. I was sad to see him floating away on his tiny raft (a sight at once pitiful and hilarious), because he would have been one of Pirate Master's most entertaining characters, for sure. With a title like his (scientist/exotic dancer), how could you lose? Worth his weight in gold.